After years I am finally ready again to commit my thoughts to a page. Perhaps it was having another vivid vision, I thought I was done with those, I have not had a large enough dose of Jelly to bring on such a vision in more then five years time, so I can only sit an ponder on it’s meaning.
My first visions were back before the accident…. I still cannot write of that here. Needless to say not heading the warning signs was the greatest mistake of my life and I can never redeem myself from….
I did not receive visions again until after I made my dealings with the demon skins. It seemed the quickest way to power and with what we were up against I thought selling my soul in such a way would bring no harm to anyone but me. But as my visions increased I saw the power I would gain, and what the loss of my soul would cause, the death of Bitsy at my own hands! How could I ever live with myself if I allowed my past to repeat itself? How could I harm those I swore I would protect in my greed to gain power? Was my power not meant to protect? I am ashamed to admit that I fled. I feared that I would be over taken by Orcus as my visions predicted. I feared I would kill Rayne, and Gilresh, and Arshes. I feared I would kill them all and bath in their blood. I fled to the desert.
As I traveled through the barren wasteland I was visited upon as what I can only now describe as a genie. Who sent him he did not say. Only that I was in need of guidance and that he was willing to give it, that he had been sent to give it. He gave me a tin full of a substance that has simply been named Jelly. In my dire need to fix myself, to keep myself from harming others I consumed the tin in one whole swallow. (many have called me foolish at this point in my story; those that know the power of Jelly for I could have killed myself with such a large dose, indeed it’s a wonder I did not. Those who’s wisdom is high and would quote on old human proverb at me “don’t take candy from strangers.” And many such others.
That I did not die is a miracle that I do know now. Part of which I so firmly believe in the vision that I saw brought on by the jelly. I was brought to a new wasteland this one the after math of what could only be called a great and terrible war. One could see for miles, and there was not an inch that was not covered with bodies. As I traveled the landscape changed to a froze tundra the bodies were now below me under the ice I traveled over. I became entranced by the images under foot. Then with great horror I saw them, I saw HER. I began to run to get away from my past from the destruction and death I had caused.
I cam to a small cabin. My course was clear I would escape inside where I could hid from the horror out here. Much to my surprise I found two people inside the cabin. An older man and woman, both Dragon Borns. I blushed as I had just barged into their home. They however looked as if they were expecting me. The man stayed to the back while the woman came froward and spoke to me. She explained to me that outside was both my past and future, if I continued on this path. That it was not an if but a when as to me killing my companions. I broke down. I did not wish this those bodies on the field were my doing? how could that be? She told me that if I forsook the path of the Demon Skin Adapt now there was still time to change the future. That I had not yet lost my soul. I swore that I would that I would give it up, but I still need power I had people I needed to protect, and if not that then what path should I take? I was so confused. How could I protect others if I gave up my best powers? She told me to be proud of my heritage.
When I awoke it was with foul taste in my mouth. I ripped the demon skins from myself. As my head cleared I found a sense of connection with the Dragons. I felt the need to learn from them more then ever. That was when I knew my new powers. That was when I knew who I had been in the presents of… It could have been non other then Tiamat and Bahamut!!
I have felt strongly of these convictions for the last five years. And for five years I have had no visions, even when Rayne finally managed to give me the slip. Even when I was lost and looking for her on my own. Even when her life was in danger. Even after Gilresh took on that Paladin of the Sons of Io.
Which brings me back to the future, and my current dilemma. Not only are we now traveling with a Dwarf, however she seems on the up and up, at least she seems to forward to be anything else. But as we were leaving the Ice Prince’s place, I fainted and hit my head upon the door. Thorn swears that I was out for not but 10 seconds, and why would he lie to me? But my vision was much much longer. I saw Io’s great battle! I was there and I witnessed the clash of two gods, two dead gods! However it was not just me witnessing events that have passed. Before the clash Io turned to me, HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME! And he spoke to me! By my clan and honor (that of it I have redeemed) I swear it!
Now even this I could possibly chalk up to my inflated sense of self (I now seem to have the audacity to think of Maximum Pain as my clan, and that my honor means anything, altho with Mother Superior always speaking so reverently to us and calling us the “saviors” how could I not think it might be ok?) and the rather large bump on my head I gained from hitting the door. With the exception that I feel different. I can not explain it. It is just that I feel something that is both apart of me and separate from me, inside of me. Io even insinuated that I should not forget what I saw and that I should “remember” but what I am to remember I feel is not the battle that I saw but what ever this feeling inside of me means.
After the attacks from the Sons of Io I am hesitant to tell the others. I fear that they would think I am turning traitor to them, to Tiamat. Several still wonder why I am civil to the followers of Bahamut. But as one who was taught from a young age to respect both of the gods because they are perfect halves of the whole how can I show contempt to one? I fear my past coming to light. but I fear even more this new feeling of power rising in myself.